Please Note: We are not just buying stuff, we’re investing in the evidence of a life well lived.
Introducing Put It in the Bag, a weekly shopping list of my high–low, sometimes just high, always–best-in-class recommendations for your consideration.
Filed Under: Put It in the Bag—Holiday Hostess Gift Guide Edition
Me and Lorne at one of the many dinners we hosted in his honor. Jack Nicholson, January Jones and moi, at the party Brad and I hosted for Charlotte Tilbury for the launch of her beauty brand at VIOLET GREY.
I’ve been broke, I’ve been rich, and I’ve been comfortably in the middle. There is a lot of life to be lived while broke, and a lot of life to be lived while rich; one builds character, the other provides opportunity.
The late Robert Evans put it best: “Luck is when preparation meets opportunity.”
Please Note by Cassandra Grey is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
The comfort of the middle, however, is not a life well lived. Fat and happy, perhaps, but nothing worth writing a Substack about.
Once, I hired a CEO who later described me as “difficult”—imagine that, the founder being uncompromising. Shortly before we parted ways, after a particularly heated strategy session (back when we all still went to offices), she stood up, visibly enraged, and shouted, “Cassandra, there has to be something between bad and great!” To which I replied, calmly, “Yes. It’s called mediocrity.”
Please Note: The word mediocrity comes from the Latin medius, meaning “middle.”
And with that, allow me to present Put It in the Bag, my weekly, unapologetic guide to how to spend it. My recommendations fall neatly into two categories: Cheap and Chic or Expensive but Worth It, never anything in between.
Nothing in the middle.
Please Note: I will never give you options. Only the best option. That is my promise to you. I’ve done the investigating, I’ve gone down the rabbit holes, and I know my territory cold. If you want the second-best or the dupe, that’s another guide—not mine.
Put It in the Bag publishes every Sunday, or sometimes on a Tuesday if I am running late. The list is free, but serious people—my paid subscribers—will often receive insider codes, early access, and other perks.
Filed Under: Put It in the Bag—Holiday Hostess Gift Guide Edition
In another life, when I was married to a studio head in Los Angeles, I entertained. And I appeared to be fabulous at it—a charming Holly Golightly floating around the room, topping off champagne and introducing the who’s-who to the who’s-who. We won’t mention the times I was either drunk or quietly managing a panic attack. Brad and I hosted many glamorous parties back when the old guard glamour still existed in that town. My favorites were the smaller of the dinner parties we made for Lorne Michaels whenever he was in town. Everyone always wants to see Lorne.
Me, Christian Louboutin, Georgina Chapman, me again and Rosie Huntington Whiteley.
We received many hostess gifts over the years. Most were forgettable. Some were cherished simply because of who they came from. A cake from Tom Cruise wasn’t just a cake, it was a Tom Cruise cake. A thank-you note wasn’t just stationery, it was autographed Hollywood memorabilia. And the funniest gift came from Brian Grazer, who, when no one was looking, would tuck a framed picture of himself in with the family photographs on the hall table. Even funnier, I once found one prominently displaced on my husband’s bedside table. I take that back, Johnny Depp once gave us a set of 12 of the tallest crystal wine goblets I’d ever seen. One might’ve even called them mega-pints (!). We thought they were decadent and kind of fabulous at the time. We had no clue what a chuckle they would bring later.
Brian Grazer, Brad Pitt and Brad Grey talking to Bennett Miller, and Depp.
But my favorite signature hostess gift of all time comes from Jack Nicholson. Every time he was invited—even the times he didn’t actually show—he sent flowers. Beautiful flowers. Expensive flowers. Always delivered the morning of, and always with a handwritten card that read:
Until tonight, Jack
11 Hostess Gifts They Won’t Soon Forget
SEND FLOWERS LIKE JACK
Expensive but Worth It
Don’t trust the florist with your reputation. Go to the flower market, buy two dozen peonies, wrap them in brown paper, tie them with a ribbon, and write the note yourself on the custom Tiffany’s stationery I told you to buy in my last guide. The charm is in the sending on the morning of, as opposed to the day after like all these other bit$hes. Although, send the day after if you were invited, but could not attend, and wish to be invited to the next one. Jess Graves recently did exactly this when she was unable to attend a party I was hosting, and I’ve never felt so seen.
The aforementioned beautiful flowers sent by Jess Graves the only way: two dozen peonies in a singular color from the market, wrapped in brown paper, tied with a ribbon, with a handwritten note on custom stationary. (P.N. the iphone photo really doesn’t do them justice, they were stunning.
IT WAS ALWAYS ASPREY FOR ME
Expensive but Worth It
An Asprey ice bucket because I never met a hostess that didn’t love a fancy ice bucket, myself included—gift this reindeer one to bring in the holiday cheer.
Asprey Engravable Decision Dice in Sterling Silver for the hostess who refuses to make a wrong choice, these are the chicest form of delegation. Engrave them, place them on her bar, and suddenly every post-dinner dilemma becomes an elegant game of fate handled in sterling silver. They say, “I tempt fate, but only if it’s handcrafted in London.” (NB, this would have been the perfect gift for Lauren Sánchez, the host of Kris Jenner’s 007 birthday)
Asprey Match Striker in Sterling Silver Crystal. This is the kind of object that lives on a coffee table and quietly announces your considered choices before anyone speaks. It turns the simple act of lighting a candle into a display of old guard glamour, one that involves crystal, silver, and the confidence to strike a match by hand. Your hostess will display it prominently and pretend it has always been there.
VIOLET GREY: THE VERY BEST OF BEAUTY
Expensive but Worth It
Naturally there are quite a few VIOLET CODE APPROVED hostess gifts currently shoppable on violetgrey.com. You know, that beauty store with the “difficult” founder who doesn’t compromise on the company’s promise to curate specifically for the discerning customer—those of us who subscribe to the notion that only the best will do.
Please Note: VIOLET GREY is currently having its annual Black Friday event, making it an excellent time to stock up your gifting closet. In polite society, adults keep a closet stocked with signature gifts for every occasion.
Treat your hostess to some much deserved R&R after the long night. Bundle these three quintessential at-home spa treatments.
Aman Nourishing Coconut Milk Bath, this creamy concoction is just the luxurious end-of-day ritual she deserves after standing in her feet all night.
+ Leonor Greyl Masque Quintessence, the deep conditioning treatment mask that truly brings dry damaged hair back to life. It’s my favorite.
Augustinus Bader, The 12 Days of Bader. Limited for holiday, the discovery set offers all the hero products from the skincare brand everyone is buying, but at the same time complaining it’s overpriced and overhyped. I may have even been the first to hype it, but the hype is in the results, and the results have spoken loud and clear. It’s the cream that works. Expensive but worth every penny. They can’t get enough. Your hostess will be pleased.
If your hostess is hosting you for the entire weekend, consider bringing the scent to mark the occasion. The Heritage Pewter Prayer Bowl is the gift that transforms a stay into a memory. It sits quietly, beautifully, as a reminder to speak highly of you. They’ll say things like, “What a class act,” or, She always had taste.”
Here is one of the early iterations we made that I rejected and modified by half a millimeter. I have to pay for all the rejects, the new molds—but I also get to keep them, because, like obviously we can’t sell them.
Please Note: The Heritage Pewter Prayer Bowl is the most functional and highly effective prop that I recommend to support your Daily Manifestation Practice that brings all the money to the yard (refer to Step 8)
Collection N°2, the entire Zodiac collection from Madame Grey. For the hostess who has everything, give her the full constellation. The power of this gift is in the completeness: the full mood, the full story told through the 12 astrological seasons—to be burned in season—all year long. We’ve just entered the adventurous spirit of Sagittarius, and it smells like Spanish leather, Romany red, and bright citrus.
Take advantage of the “ONE FOR YOU, ONE FOR ME” Holiday Event by Madame Grey. Pull the trigger on either of the above gifts for a loved one and receive a complimentary hair perfume for yourself with every order. Hurry, while supplies last. You deserve it.
Ft. the pink ribbon a la Jess Graves perfect flower delivery
THE PERFECT SNACK DOESN’T EXI-
Expensive but Worth It // Cheap and Chic
The Tom Cruise cake. Sometimes the gesture is the gift, and sometimes the gesture is a cake with its own lore. This one is the famous white chocolate coconut Bundt cake from the family-owned Doan’s Bakery in Woodland Hills, the very cake Tom Cruise famously sends as his signature celebratory gift.
Lady M cakes. For the hostess who appreciates refinement without fuss, Lady M’s gift set is the chicest edible offering. Delicate, elegant, and impossible to dislike, it says you have taste and restraint, even if you sampled one in the car before ringing the doorbell. Pair it with the iconic New York “We Are Happy to Serve You” coffee cups ( Cheap and Chic) from The Store at MAD and the morning-after becomes a curated cultural moment instead of a cleanup operation.
BONUS
The two greatest Cheap and Chic holiday hostess gifts: Bring a few mistletoe twigs tied together with a red ribbon or bring your homemade eggnog. ( N.B. If you have a winning eggnog recipe, please please do share with us in the comments. )
The chicest cake by Lady M.
Please Note by Cassandra Grey is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
As one does
This is the best list, thank you!