Please Note: Dating May Be Out-of-Date, Having a Boyfriend May Be Embarrassing, and Dining Alone is Widely Considered French-Girl Chic

So why are all my friends pressuring me to go on dates?

One friend even sent me a list of the best places to find men in New York—to which, in rebellion, I sent Rachel’s list of the best places to dine alone (see below the fold).

I’ve been sleeping in the middle of the bed for over a year.
Sometimes I book a table for one.
Sometimes I have toast for dinner.
Sometimes, if I have a late lunch, I don’t even eat dinner.
I can buy myself flowers.
I can dance all by myself.
I can eat my dinner in a fancy restaurant.
I lie awake.
I’ve gone to ground.
I’m watching porn in my hotel dressing gown.

Just kidding.

I have a son, Jules, age 10, and on most days we can be found eating chicken nuggets and watching Stranger Things in matching flannel pajamas and 111SKIN Cryo De-puffing Facial masks. I’ve been warned it’s only a matter of time before he wants nothing to do with me—and that at a certain point it’s weird to have regular teenage-girl sleepovers with your son—so here I am, cherishing these last days of summer, crushing the supporting-character–antagonist–mentor–caregiver role to Jules, the protagonist, living the life of Riley as I give him the childhood I never had.

But when he is away at school, or on Thursday nights when the sitter is booked from 7 to 11 p.m., I am the main character in these streets.